Again.

He did it again. He's made me hate myself again. I can't hate him, he's my brother after all, but I really don't like it when he's around. He provokes me and, no matter how hard I try to help it, I always end up behaving like some stupid, agresive prick. And that's not me. It really isn't. I don't behave like that with anyone else. And I hate myself for shouting at him, and for hitting him and for letting that 'dark side' out. But I don't think that's my dark side either. My dark side when I'm around other people (not my brother) is more like this extremely depressive, caustic, cold girl that no one wants around. Fortunately, I'm capable of keeping her under control most of the time, and she seldom makes an appearance. But it's different with this agressive, careless monster I become when he's around. That one takes over me, and my brother knows. I'm starting to think that he does it on purpose, that he likes it. Or maybe what he likes is how bad I feel about myself afterwards. It's more manageable when I simply ignore him all the time, 'cos if I ignore him for the good things, ignoring him the rest of the time becomes easier. I guess I could do this, but the thing is, we live in the same house. And it gets really hard. It really does. I don't know. I can't just make him disappear.

Kiddo.

It's two o'clock in the morning. And there is a reason I'm still awake. Today is the eighteenth birthday of my best friend from school. As we got older, distance grew between us. She started going out with this idiot, and from then on, it became impossible to see her out of school. She's just turned eighteen a couple of hours ago. She was always a bit childish, and as far as I'm concerned, she's still a kid. And now she's pregnant. And she's gonna name her baby after me. I don't even dare to phone her just to know how she's doing. So everything's fucking great.'Cause what can go wrong when a kid and an idiot take care of a baby?

Whatever.

I did it again. It seems like I end up snogging him every time I'm drunk. Possibly if last weekend I had been allowed into the club, and I hadn't had to go home, I would have snogged him too. I don't think it's a mistake anymore. Things are not awkward between us now. After the first time it happened we spent nearly a month without talking. Now we've talked about it and it doesn't feel awkward anymore. We even kissed goodnight. At half past six in the morning. Even though I'm pretty sure I don't have any romantic interest in him, the truth is that I feel confident and safe when I'm with him. I'm not sure that safe is the right word to describe it, but I think it's close enough for people to understand. I don't really care if they do. Whatever. I just needed to write a bit about it.

Aftermath.

I've spent aproximately the last twenty-four hours awake. I've drank a lot and sung a lot and laughed a lot. We danced for more than two hours, but I really don't remember most of that part of the night. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything inappropriate. We went to some friend's place at half past eight in the morning after having a coffee in a gas station. We didn't sleep when we got there. For some reason, on the way back home from my friend's house, this song started to play again and again in my head. It actually has nothing to do with the way I feel right now or with what happened last night, but it's became my favourite song of the moment. I just wanted to share it with absolutely no one because I think it's a really great song. Here it is. Enjoy.

Never meant to happen.

That awkward moment when the weirdest night in your entire life becomes even more weird because someone says 'You make a really nice couple' The person who you make a good couple with is actually only a good friend, who you made the mistake to snog. And now things are even more complicated than they were before. 'Cos that's one of those things that were never meant to happen, but happened anyway. I guess it could be worse.

That simple person I call me.

My name's Talía. I'm seventeen yars old. I drink more than half a litre of tea per day. If you look up to the sky, you'll probably see me there, but I'll surely won't realize you're looking. I don't usually realize the things that happen around me, not even if they hit me in the face. If we see each other I'll probably forget to ask you about your health, even if I know you've been sick, and I'll remember that I had to when it's too late. This can be applied to family, work, love, etc. I can seem rude sometimes, because I'm shy and I find it hard to talk to strangers (specially to chatty ones), and because I tend to forget that the rest of the world has problems too. But, if you get to know me and you can manage to ignore my lack of memory, I'm actually pretty nice. I won't say I'm the nicest person in the world, 'cos that would be a terrible lie, and I don't lie unless it's absolutely necessary. I'm slightly bipolar sometimes but, who isn't these days? I'm not special at all. There's nothing I can do better than anyone else. If you ask me, I'm more or less average. Im really lazy. As a direct cosequence of this, I'm still in my pijamas at half past one in a Tuesday's afternoon, I'm not gonna be able to study the degree I wanted and therefore I'll never become an important screenwriter. I started a blog because I felt lonely. I've never had a boyfriend. I've only ever kissed one guy. My best friend is the weirdest person I've ever met. I enjoy writing, watching movies and TV series, reading, twitter, tumblr and drinking gin & tonic. I have a camera but can't use it properly. I can cook rice, pasta, chocolate cake and fried eggs. You won't see me running unless I have to catch the last train. I think that's all. If any original ideas about myself come up, I'll let you know ;)

This stranger.

I dreamt about him tonight. For the first time I've dreamt about him. It started as a joke, but it obsesses me now. I sometimes surprise myself wondering if I'll ever see him again. And when I come to the conclusion that  the answer is no, I don't really now if I feel relieved or I feel like crying. Is it possible that I've fallen in love with him? Without knowing him? Having never talked to him? I insist on telling myself that it's not possible, that this is just a temporary whim. But now I realize that ever since I first saw him I have never thought about Dani again. What the fuck's wrong with my head? He's a total stranger. A total stranger. But, what if this stranger, out of all the strangers that inhabit this whimsy, stupid world, happened to be the fucking love of my life?