Again.

He did it again. He's made me hate myself again. I can't hate him, he's my brother after all, but I really don't like it when he's around. He provokes me and, no matter how hard I try to help it, I always end up behaving like some stupid, agresive prick. And that's not me. It really isn't. I don't behave like that with anyone else. And I hate myself for shouting at him, and for hitting him and for letting that 'dark side' out. But I don't think that's my dark side either. My dark side when I'm around other people (not my brother) is more like this extremely depressive, caustic, cold girl that no one wants around. Fortunately, I'm capable of keeping her under control most of the time, and she seldom makes an appearance. But it's different with this agressive, careless monster I become when he's around. That one takes over me, and my brother knows. I'm starting to think that he does it on purpose, that he likes it. Or maybe what he likes is how bad I feel about myself afterwards. It's more manageable when I simply ignore him all the time, 'cos if I ignore him for the good things, ignoring him the rest of the time becomes easier. I guess I could do this, but the thing is, we live in the same house. And it gets really hard. It really does. I don't know. I can't just make him disappear.